i imagine you are 
here,
even now, 
in this air. 

it's funny, 
being a child,
how you conjure up
people that
understand,
people that won't
let you down 
until that
one final
reckoning.

i have felt that 
reckoning before, 
met it with those
eager eyes of youth 
but i feel older than
usual, older than i think
i should.

i know that i am feeling 
and not feeling.
i know that i am alive
and not alive,
yet somehow i hope,
and only hope.

i will ask you if that
is enough.
you will say
"yes."